Safe word

We started CDD since we got married many years ago. It worked okay until one day we decided to have kids. As parents we went our children to grow up in a family free of violence and we need a different mindset. 

So we tried to seek professional advice from counsellors. 

Two years have passed. We have accepted the fact that my husband needs to spank me when I’m not behaving, but with a safe word, and only inside our bedroom. 

We talk to each other more and I’m less like a little girl in front of him now. I don’t know if this is a good thing but all I’m trying to do is being a good wife and a good mom :)

No spanking so far after my last post. 

But my husband did put me over his knees and pull down my panties once — and then he changed his mind :) 

Almost got there

Nothing happened in the last 6 days. 

Tonight my husband pulled down my panties. Ready to put me over his laps. 

Me: but I don’t want to be spanked :-(

Hubby: nobody WANTS TO be spanned. 

Me: well, sometimes I do. A few light spanks. In our bedroom ❤️

And I got away with it this time :-)

Caning is no joke

My first time being caned on the back of my hand.

My husband held my fingers with one hand and caned with his other hand. Cos of the short distance, the three strokes were not “that” hard, but I don’t think I want the cane to be that close to me again in at least the next few months. The sounds the cane made in the air was still scary and it did hurt.

Hubby said if I’m a bad girl again next time he’ll make me bend over and cane my bottom. I can’t even bring myself to imagine how it’s like.

Spanking with consent II

The 20 spanks that followed were tough. My husband told me to put my hands on a table, open my legs as much as I can and stick out my bottom. The position already made me a bit uncomfortable.

Then it started. Very painful!!! Since I was made to open my leg a lot, the muscles on my butt were now fully stretched, and every spank felt like it’s penetrating into my body. The first 10 spanks were terrible. 

Then my husband asked if we should stop there ✋🏻 

He rubbed my bottom. And he said if I took more spanks it would be very uncomfortable to sit. Not a good thing now that I need to take care of the baby and sit a lot.

He ended up giving 10 light spanks with his hand but warned that next time if I’m a bad girl he’ll give me 10 more hard spanks. Then he went online and tried to order some spanking implements — and even asked me to choose for myself  😳

Two items were ordered:

1. A plastic ruler 

2. A very light nursery cane 

Spanking with consent

After lots of discussion, my husband and I agree that we switch to a modified form of CDD for one month and see how things go. From two days ago, he can give me real spankings if I do something wrong. But unlike before, he can’t spank me if I say no, and he also needs to tell me how much I’ll be spanked before he starts. And this happens only between us. We should never spank our kid no matter what happens. 

Needless to say, I got spanked already.

No more cane, wooden ruler, strap or ikea hanger at home, so my husband used a flip flop, a new one that I got for the beach for this summer 😳 Never would have imagined that it ends up in close contact with my bare bottom.

It was a real spanking. 50 spanks this time.

Hubby had the flip flop in one hand, and took me by the ear with another hand. No warm up, and once I was dragged to our room, he pulled down my panties, put me over his laps and started spanking with the flip flop. He pinned my legs so I could hardly move. 

It’s been more than a year I haven’t been spanked for punishment so it felt really painful. After 20 spanks, my bottom was already burning. 

Then my husband told me to stand with my nose to the wall and hands on my knees. A very uncomfortable pose. But then it’s part of the punishment, showing my spanked bottom.

The remaining 30 spanks were a lot more painful than the first 20. Now I need to feed my baby. Will tell you more again soon.

When I did something wrong

Our baby is now one year old. My husband has been a fantastic dad and spend a lot of time looking after the baby when he’s not at work. 

It’s hard to have enough sleep when you have a baby with you, and it’s easy to get a bit impatient when you’re not sleeping enough. So far I think I have taken good care of my baby, but sometimes I feel that I’m not a good wife. 

My husband has never got mad at me because of that. He just hugged me and asked me to relax, but maybe we did CDD for too long, sometimes I just wished that he gave me a few spanks on my bottom. Doing something bad without any consequence makes me feel even more guilty :( 

This morning did it again so I casually said sorry to my husband as I was in bed. I tried to pull up my dress and pulled down my panties a bit and looked at him.

Then he came over.

And kissed my butt. 

And pulled up my panties and said I’m silly :(

it’s been a while

Can you imagine what happened?

Birthday spanking

Lots of things happened in this year.

We have moved back to Switzerland. We have our first baby. We have stopped CDD and been taking courses and meeting counsellors regularly to learn about inspiring, non-spanking means to teach our kid. It’s interesting to know that there’s such a discipline in the uni called “parent education”.

After a long time not being spanked by my husband, I recently got a few spanks from him again. This time for my birthday.

Just five spanks with his hand over my pants but it somehow reminded me of our old days.

Peter Pan Syndrome

Cos of the preparation for  the arrival of our baby in this world, we have been unimaginably busy ——- but happy —- very happy. We are far from perfect, which unfortunately is part of being human. We are trying our best to make home safe and loving for our little baby.

I’ve been thinking about my own shortcomings because to me our baby is absolutely perfect. It’s funny how it works. The more we meet with our marriage counsellor, the more we reflect on our marriage, the more I realise why we behave in certain ways.

As said in my first few posts here, I liked to be managed and maybe disciplined  by a partner who’s more streetwise than me. There’s nothing wrong about this, but cos we wanna have kids, we need to make sure our family is full of love and free of any form of violence. And as we dig deeper and deeper into the issues, I started to realise it’s the constant relocation from country to country that caused a lot of distress to me from childhood to my teenage years. Maybe that’s why you  guys can see me writing a lot about being disciplined like a child. Maybe deep down I just wanted to stay in one country with my childhood friends instead of moving to 5 to 6 countries across the continents. In France where I spent my early years of school,, i was subjected to very strict teachers, and spanking was allowed at home so maybe that explains why. I am of course thankful for my globalized education and the exposure to different cultures, without which I wouldn’t have made it to Ivy League and later to a very special and demanding job.

Well the water is under the bridge now, but I guess it’s good to have found out about what’s behind my past behaviours. I’ll try to learn more about some good practices of parenting and be a responsible, caring mom and wife.

Sometimes I’m worried one day I might get really mad at my kid and end up spanking my kid really hard like my mom did to me when I was a kid.i really hope this will never happen.

Im tying hard to change myself, and I really hope I’ll make it before my baby becomes a little kid.

No offence if we have different beliefs for parenting. We all know there’s no absolute answers when it comes to love.

Spank!

Hubby gave me one light spank over my night dress 😳 when I was lying on the bed.

“what do u want?” I smiled at him and asked.

“Nothing” he said and walked away.

Nothing? 😳

Baby is learning with me

i have reduced my working hours to 70%. More time for rest, but suddenly I have an idea of taking a German exam so that I can continue studying German from C1 some day when I want to start learning again. Not taking Test-DAF, cos I don’t need to get into the university again anyway. So maybe the Goethe Zertifikat B2 exam.

These days I have lots of free time at home, cos hubby keeps travelling to many places for business, and he’s getting really busy before our move to Switzerland in June.

They say pregnant women shouldn’t do anything too exciting, so I have stopped playing games with Switch and stopped going figure skating ⛸ Yesterday I tried doing a B2 German listening Model Test but baby seemed a bit excited 😆 Does my baby understand the language better than me? :) but maybe this is just my imagination. My baby is still too small to react to anything I guess.

I’m learning how to cook and going to workshops about how to take care of a baby. We will have no helper after moving back to Switzerland.

I’m learning to be a good wife and a good mom :)

Bye everyone

very busy these days cos of our relocation. I feel excited but at the same time a bit scared, cos it’s not just a change of location but also the beliefs of my husband and me.

Thank you soooooo much for your comments and advice over the last few years, and thank you for dropping by.

I’m thrilled to tell you that we are expecting a 🍼 👶🏻 We are learning to be good parents and want to raise our child in a violence-free environment.

Definitely not easy, but we will keep learning and keep trying :)

Alternatives

My husband is going to a workshop with me in Switzerland every weekend. We are learning how to deal with different situations in a marriage and parenting other than using punishments. Well, I’m not saying punishment or even spanking is entirely wrong, but since we want to raise kids in a violence-free environment, we are trying to learn.

This is such a radical change of our mindset. Still a long way to go. I hope I won’t become too old to have kids when we have finally learnt.

So these days I’m just busy reading, applying for yet another internal transfer of my job to Switzerland and learning German.

My husband sometimes still gives me a few light spanks but happens only in the bedroom for fun 💕

New Year’s resolutions

I’m still fine. The last two weeks my husband and I tried very hard to work out CDD at home and I got a sound hand spanking as a result :(

In the end we have agreed that we should ditch CDD, and our New Year’s resolution is learning to love and forgive each other. We are planning to have a baby in a few years’ time and think it’s important to change our mindset so that our future kids won’t be subjected to any form of violence no matter what happens.

Hubby got a promotion, and we are moving again 6 months later. Back to my home this time!!! Switzerland 🇨🇭😁

I’m still fine

Obviously my parents are worrying a lot about me every since they have found out about this blog. They know I’m living a comfortable life but we just never talked about this domestic discipline thing.

They said they want me to know they love me a lot and I am always protected by them no matter what. They said they respect my freedom and my choice but still suggested me to see a psychiatrist. No harm getting the second opinion right? A psychiatrist not a counsellor, just cos I don’t think I can come up with a solution with a counsellor’s guiding questions in this case.  I need direct advice.

No depression no syndrome no anything —- as expected. It’s actually good to look at what I have been experiencing in my marriage from a different perspective.

Actually I don’t mind being prescribed some rules and given a lot of guidance sometimes, especially if the ideas are way better than mine, but maybe my husband and I should look at the consequence part again.

Does he always need to put me across his knee?
Does he really think I wouldn’t listen unless he takes out the nursery cane?
Does he have the right to decide what is right or wrong for me?
What if he’s doing something wrong himself?

Lots of questions. But it’s good that we’re working on these issues —- bit by bit.

Takes time for both of us to learn and change for our own good.

two parallel worlds

I have an interesting job. I don’t need to work around the clock. I don’t even need to arrive at my office at a fixed time but I have a fixed salary. I have lots of respect from others when I work. Many people think I have a good job that lets me shine. 

At home I don’t need to shine. I’m like a little flower under a big tree. I never have to worry about anything. Since I don’t have kids, I can do most of the things I used to do when I was much younger. The only thing is, sometimes I get punished when I cross the line. Maybe this is the only difference between my life inside and outside home. Well, there are rules and regulations i need to observe at work of course, but most of the time there’s a lot of flexibility. At home I have freedom and flexibility too, but  sometimes it’s hard to tell exactly how much flexibility I have. 

I live in two parallel worlds, as in the movie Inception. 

Eight years into our marriage now. 

Maybe it’s love that keeps us together. Maybe it’s love that helps me live in two seemingly different worlds. 

Do you spank the one you love?

Do you require obedience in order to love?

Do you punish to show your love and care?

Hmmmm I’ve started thinking about these. Cos of the questions Daisy asked me, and the fact that my parents has found out about this blog and started to worry about me. 

Spanked cos of python

Hubby gave me some suggestions on programming language a few months ago. He said Python is better than R or SQL, particularly the processing speed.

So I started taking a course on Python last month. Today I need to hand in an assignment, but I had totally forgotten about it (!) —- until my husband asked me about it last night.

This assignment makes up 50% of the course. If I don’t turn it in, I’ll fail the course for sure. But I only had a small part of it done. Like 30%.

I need to pass this course so I decided to sit up the whole night to get my assignment done.

Hubby didn’t give me a big spanking. He only gave me one firm spank over my pants with his hand and said “go go go!”, then I went into the study.

After 7 hours at around 6am, I got my assignment done. I was exhausted.

Then I went to our bedroom to sleep. I didn’t have any energy to worry about spanking, even though my husband said he’ll deal with me later.

6 hours later, I got up and my husband said we have breakfast, and he’ll deal with me after that :(

I didn’t eat a lot. I was still a bit tired —- and nervous, cos of what was going to happen to me.

After breakfast, I begged my hubby not to spsnk with an implement :( I was still very tired 😴 and my body needed to recover. I was not saying I didn’t deserve it but my body was not ready for something really vigorous.

Hubby agreed. One second later I was across his knee.

I was told to pull down my pants and panties. Then he pulled my ear and asked me why he was doing this :(

Without any warmup the spanking started right away. 30 sound spanks 😢 I cried :(

Then I was told to brush my teeth and sent to bed.

What a way to start my Saturday :(

Hubby got me to use an electronic schedule with alerts instead of my old school hard copy schedule. He said if I forget an appointment again I’ll be spanked with a rubber slipper on my bare bottom. Sounds painful 😖

I need to be spanked for not doing homework

Been sitting in the living room for hours. I’m supposed to be doing a data analytics assignment but I find myself reading a photography book and an autobiography.

Hubby came and asked about my progress.

“Is no progress a kind of progress?” I replied.

“What do you expect me to say?” He asked.

“You’d say ‘you needto be spanked?’” I answered.

“Well, you get what you want”, hubby said.

Nooooooooooooooooooooooo!!!!!

As he came closer, my heart was beating faster and faster 😳 Why would I have said that?

Turned out he smiled at me and held my hand and took me to the kitchen and made a cup of lavender tea for me. Then we had some nice chocolates. .

After that I started to have some ideas about how to build a business model for the case I’m assigned to.

Thanks hubby ❤️

Warning spanking

I love walking at home with bare feet ❤️

Hmmm even when I go to the garage. You know, it’s convenient.

Hubby said it’s 4 degrees outside and I should have my shoes on. Otherwise I’ll catch a cold again.

Okay 🤐

The next time I did have my shoes on.

Just now. I forgot :( and got caught... and couldn’t get away with it :(

How many times do I have to tell you?  Hubby asked.

Spank!

His hand landed on my bottom :(

It hurt.

Then hubby pulled down my panties (!)

20 more spanks followed :(

After I had counted to 20, I was allowed to pull my panties up.

Then suddenly, spank!

Go find your slippers now. Hubby demanded.

my English :(

hubby said my English is bad :(

He read my post yesterday and said I made many mistakes. One of them is “he directed the question back to me”. Should be “back at me”, he said.

I actually studied five years in a boarding school in England till I was almost 16. I have also grown up living in 6 other countries.

Hmm... I don’t know what kind of English I speak. It’s a mixture of everything I have been exposed to. Test results show that I’m at the C2 level, an equivalence to near-native proficiency.

If I make lots of minor mistakes it’s just cos I’m not a native English speaker like my hubby. I speak so many languages, so it’s easy to mix things up. I really hope he has more patience for me :(