Both my husband and I think that CDD might affect our future roles as parents when both of us want to raise our kids as confident, autonomous and responsible individuals in an environment free of spanking.
We aren’t having kids yet, but we both think it’s time to think.
So we’ve agreed to replace any form of physical punishment by “lectures” in the first half of 2018. Then we’ll review it and decide if we want to replace the “lectures” with discussions.
The nursery canes, wooden rulers and wooden paddle are still at home, but they’ll be gone by mid 2018 if it works well in the first six months.
Let’s see.
2 comments:
I think the approach in how you two go about doing the "lecture" from initiating it to how it ends should be explored, to ensure it does not become him 'parenting' you.
I believe I watched a Koream Drama once titled 19 Year Old Bride, and there was a scene still etched in my memory of her making a mistake (that wasnt intentional and didnt hurt him, but resulted in disappointment as he of course expects and knows his spouse is capable of better). The husband sat on the couch/ chair and she was kneeling in front of him, both clothed, and he spoke his (displeased) thoughts in a clam and collected manner and they work out their issues. But im a way it has that subtle power dynamic of which the husband is the head of the household.
Im not sure if he made her write an apology letter (instead of lines) after, but that is something to consider as well. Of course it should all end with forgiveness and TLC.
I’ve found your comment in the spam just now. Don’t know why.
Thanks for your your comment, and I think you’ve made a very sound point. Actually we went to some counselling sessions together since a few weeks ago and came to a conclusion that CDD itself is like my husband parenting me, like what you have said, cos I get punished when I “misbehave”. I got scolded and spanked by my husband like a daughter by her father. And when I am being physically punished whenever I make mistakes at home, it’d be hard to get rid of this mindset and teach our kids without any physical punishment, which we think would be detrimental to the development of independence, autonomy and the bond between the kids and the parents. This is what we think, but of course others might disagree.
I don’t know if things will work without cdd, but we’ll keep trying.
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