Peter Pan Syndrome

Cos of the preparation for  the arrival of our baby in this world, we have been unimaginably busy ——- but happy —- very happy. We are far from perfect, which unfortunately is part of being human. We are trying our best to make home safe and loving for our little baby.

I’ve been thinking about my own shortcomings because to me our baby is absolutely perfect. It’s funny how it works. The more we meet with our marriage counsellor, the more we reflect on our marriage, the more I realise why we behave in certain ways.

As said in my first few posts here, I liked to be managed and maybe disciplined  by a partner who’s more streetwise than me. There’s nothing wrong about this, but cos we wanna have kids, we need to make sure our family is full of love and free of any form of violence. And as we dig deeper and deeper into the issues, I started to realise it’s the constant relocation from country to country that caused a lot of distress to me from childhood to my teenage years. Maybe that’s why you  guys can see me writing a lot about being disciplined like a child. Maybe deep down I just wanted to stay in one country with my childhood friends instead of moving to 5 to 6 countries across the continents. In France where I spent my early years of school,, i was subjected to very strict teachers, and spanking was allowed at home so maybe that explains why. I am of course thankful for my globalized education and the exposure to different cultures, without which I wouldn’t have made it to Ivy League and later to a very special and demanding job.

Well the water is under the bridge now, but I guess it’s good to have found out about what’s behind my past behaviours. I’ll try to learn more about some good practices of parenting and be a responsible, caring mom and wife.

Sometimes I’m worried one day I might get really mad at my kid and end up spanking my kid really hard like my mom did to me when I was a kid.i really hope this will never happen.

Im tying hard to change myself, and I really hope I’ll make it before my baby becomes a little kid.

No offence if we have different beliefs for parenting. We all know there’s no absolute answers when it comes to love.